Originally posted on FetLife in 2012 but slightly re-edited for posting here.

A perennial topic in BDSM circles is predators and what to do about them. Rather than rehash the same dry statistics and the same very good advice, I thought I’d attempt to put a humorous face on something we should all be vigilant for. I’ve used masculine pronouns for convenience, not because I think predators are all men.

Many of you reading this probably recognize specific people in each archetype. It is not my intent to hold up a mirror to anyone; they’re called archetypes for a reason. Unfortunately, each of these archetypes hews close to a harmless version that is almost exactly the same, with a huge difference in intent.

One of my greatest fears as an outspoken community member and Dominant is that I’ll be mistaken for or the victim of a smear campaign making me out to be one of these archetypes. After all, most of us share similarities with each of them. Be vigilant and never accuse without evidence.

How to Spot a Predator:

The conventional wisdom has it that predators are always male, usually white, and mostly uneducated. Unfortunately, predators come in all sizes, shapes, colors, economic classes, and species, even when they conform so closely to one of the archetypes below that it seems they’re using a character kit from Predator: the Bullshitting.

Continue reading “Spotting a Predator: a mildly amusing look at a serious topic”

Read any of the multitude of general groups on FetLife and you’ll find a barrage of “Hey, I’m new and want to learn!” messages. Some are smartly worded, some show a decent degree of intelligence, and some are so mind-bogglingly, incomprehensibly naive that you’d swear the person writing has lived their entire life in a box.

I responded to one of these messages today with a torrent that I’m sure the OP wasn’t prepared for. After finishing up, I realized the post made a great start to a longer written piece, so here it is.

The best tidbits of advice I can offer to new people in “the scene”:

Continue reading “So, you’re new to the scene…”

I’ve been writing and rewriting this in my head for the last couple of months. Now that I’ve found the time and energy to type it in, I hope something I write here makes you think, makes you curious, or even just pisses you off. No matter which it is, your response is welcome, as long as you’re civil and honest.

One other caveat; this is not intended to be a scholarly article, just an opinion piece. I would love to do a scholarly article on the history of Leather culture but it would require at least $1 a word more than I’m getting right now (the research alone would require it) or an appointment with a thesis committee when the editing was finished. With that said, if you want sources, citations, and “official” accounts, you are as capable of using Google (and email/telephones/your personal network) as I am.

Leather traditions were all invented. They did not exist before WWII.

Let that sink in a bit.

Every Leather tradition you have ever heard of was invented by someone. These traditions were not passed on to mere mortals by some grand Leather god from Toptopia. Dionysus didn’t get pissed one night with Odin and Cernunnos and decree to gay men, “Thou shalt be butch and wear expensive, processed cow hides!”

Continue reading “Leather traditions – my take”